Day 117 - Polaroid Story

Polaroid Story

Matthew Ryan Fischer

Kelly took Polaroid pictures, but she always ended up leaving them behind after they developed. Most people had seen her do this once or twice during a given event. It was seen as a strange hobby, one which seemingly had no positive results. She didn’t worry about what would happen to the pictures. She wasn’t afraid of losing her memory of the event or needing to recall it at some later date. Some people documented everything and posted it for the whole world to see. In her own way she was doing the same thing – the pictures left behind, if you could find them, were available for the entire world to have and do with as they would. It was the ultimate offering to the public domain. A pessimist might say that it was basically the ultimate offering to the public landfills, but Kelly liked to believe that her pictures had purpose and they reached their intended targets and influenced the lives they touched in a positive and unique manner. She had no way of knowing if any of this happened. But she liked the idea of living in a world where magical and beautiful moments occurred, so she clung to the belief that she was adding something important to the cosmos.

The important part of the picturing taking was the documentation of a moment or a thing or a feeling. Some cultures were afraid of a photograph because of what it might do to one’s soul. Kelly harbored no such superstitious paranoia. The photo was just a photo and the moment was just a moment. But she believed in moments. She had not trapped herself into any one dogmatic theory about time or space or space-time, but she did believe that life was a series of moments, no matter what order they occurred in or what caused what or created or destroyed the here now later or before. The important thing was the moment. Moment by moment a life is told. She intended to embrace those moments and live them all to their fullest.

Part of embracing her moments was giving them their proper homage and just due. That was why she took pictures. That was why she documented. She believed that the act of documenting was the final step in realizing a moment and acknowledging its full weight of importance. But the act of moving on was more important to her. She lived. That was what she believed in. Life wasn’t meant to be spent crying over moments long gone or staged images that were meant to create the past for more than it really was. The future was the goal. That was where she was headed. The only way to reach the future was to exist in the present and let the present lead the way. The only way to live in the present was to leave the past behind.

That was what she told herself anyway.

Wayne was worried that this would change everything in their relationship. He didn’t care enough to try and stop it; he wanted it to happen. Kelly assumed no such similar notion, but didn’t mind if he did. This was just one moment and one act and it wasn’t going to be the definition of her.

He pulled his shirt off over his head and began scrambling to unbutton hers. She let him struggle. She had no need to put any effort into this part of the festivities. The moment of anticipation was enjoyable. Things were going to happen and she was happy to let him struggle a little bit to ensure his dedication.

When he proved to be too slow for her taste, she finally took things into her own hands and began to tear the remainder of both their outfits. A few dollars wasted on some underwear was worth it to end up with a moment of overwhelming intensity. Hearing the fabric tear, feeling it tear in her hands and against her skin – that would make a memory that wouldn’t be soon forgotten. It was overly dramatic and exaggerated. It felt like they were in a movie or a Harlequin romance. She had never thought of Wayne as Harlequin before, but it was enjoyable to have that for once. She doubted that he noticed any of this or thought the way she thought, but that was okay. She liked him playing the role of the lover in the moment while she could stand above it all and remain self-aware.

A moment later when the real activity began, neither one of them remained self-aware. It was intense and fast and furious. Not always a bad thing. It left them exhausted in beating heat with a pool of sweat in between their pressed stomachs.

“That was… that was…” he began. He didn’t have the words.

“Yeah.” she agreed. “That was that.”

How long had it been since they had last had an affair like this? Certainly it had been years. They hadn’t seen each other for the better part of a year, so it had been at least that long.

Later, when Wayne’s breathing slowed, she slipped out of the bed and sat in an arm chair and looked out the window at the night sky. Poor Wayne, she thought. How many times had she done this to him, with him? She had always thought of Wayne in the moment. He was a man worthy of many moments, but she had never felt the moments were anything but that, mere moments. She had always assumed at some point the moments would add up and connect and tell a story and there would be smooth ebbs and flows as she always thought time was supposed to have. But the moments had never clicked and turned into anything else.

It was too bad because Wayne was incredibly close to everything she had ever thought she might want in a future. But she wasn’t willing to sacrifice her future for a series of moments that were almost the story of her life.

In the morning, Kelly was gone and all Wayne found was a Polaroid photograph of the hotel room with him asleep in the bed. He smiled at it and thought it strange that it never occurred to her to take her own picture in moments like these. She was always concerned with the moment; he had heard her talk about it far too many times. She never took the time to think about her own place in it or what the moment might be doing to her.

Wayne collected his things, put on his clothes and made his own escape. Later he would file the picture away in an old shoe box that held countless other pictures from across Kelly’s existence. Someday, when the time was right and it meant something, he would give Kelly the gift of having her life back.