Letters Story
Matthew Ryan Fischer
At one point during their two year courtship Ralph sent Maggie
seventeen letters in seventeen days.
That was the sort of guy Ralph was.
It should also be noted that Ralph and Maggie were living together at
the time and had no need of using the postal service for correspondence.
Letter fourteen actually arrived a day before letter thirteen, but
that was due to a missed pickup time at a local mailbox and had nothing to do
any punctuality failure on Ralph’s part.
Ralph claimed there was a missing letter seven and one-half, but no
evidence was ever produced to indicate that this was true. What was missing from letter seven and why
did it need a half sequel? Ralph would
never say. Seven certainly seemed
complete on its own, but still the mystery persisted and was of some great
annoyance to Maggie who liked to keep everything in order.
Maggie had a habit of finding books with the page that read “This
page intentionally left blank” at the library and drawing in her own pictures not
always based on the title of the book. A
small number of these books were checked out and never returned, much to the chagrin
of the librarians. Maggie denies that
the missing books are hidden somewhere in her storage. She tells anyone who will listen that she has
a small but rabidly dedicated fan base.
Most of the books still remain in the library to this day.
Ralph first saw Maggie while she was writing notes in the margins
of books at a local bookstore and putting the books back on the shelves. Ralph thought he had been clever and hadn’t
been seen following her. A detective
Ralph was not. Upon her leaving, he went
to investigate her final selection and there on page three was the note “stop
watching me.” Perhaps it was a happy coincidence
as Maggie would claim. Not likely.
Ralph followed Maggie to a cooking class where he pretended to be
enrolled. He was discovered within ten
minutes and asked to pay or to leave.
Maggie herself was no enrollee either, but she was much better at
avoiding suspicion and lasted half the class.
Ralph waited. Maggie knew
he would.
Their first official date had been to ironically ride the LA
subway from the airport to Hollywood where they posed for pictures outside Grauman's Chinese Theater. They
made funny faces and asked pedestrians for directions and in general did a
convincing job of seeming like tourists.
Their first break up happened when they
argued British Invasion bands of the 1960’s vs. British Invasion bands of the
1980’s. Two days later Maggie showed up
at his door dressed for a night of fine dining.
Ralph learned that Maggie neither listened to British rock nor had they
really broken up. Maggie liked to argue
and found it incredibly easy to trick Ralph into believing just about
anything. He was incredibly literal and
if she said something with little intonation and a straight face he couldn’t
tell what was what. During their heyday
they broke up and got back together no less than fourteen times.
It was breakup fourteen when Ralph grew
tired of the cyclical nature of their relationship. It was then that Ralph began writing the
seventeen letters that he would later send over the course of seventeen days.
What was said exactly is between them,
but somewhere within the letters Ralph sent Maggie a treasure map and sent her
on a scavenger hunt. At the conclusion Maggie’s
prize was an engagement ring.
Unimpressed, Maggie smiled and did him
one better. She produced from her pocket
a picture of her first ultrasound.
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