Day 279 - Alone Story

Alone Story

Matthew Ryan Fischer

Anne had been left alone in life. Her parents died when she was a child and she barely remembered them outside of a few pictures that she still had. She was left scared and scarred by the experiences of youth. She learned quickly to keep her emotions inside and never to crack under pressure. She cried plenty of tears, just not where anyone else could see them.

Anne jumped from boy to boy during her adolescence. She wanted to feel loved and mistook the touch of another to be the same thing. She was deathly afraid of being left alone, and yet every time she opened herself up emotionally she was left in pain. She hurt herself because they hurt her. She punished herself instead of learning. There came many many tears.

After that, she was alone for a very long time. She lost her ability to trust. She lost her ability to feel. She locked her emotions in a box deep inside her and hid it away. The losses had hurt too much. She didn’t plan on being hurt again. The next several years of Anne’s life she was terribly alone. She cried in despair, but never when others were there.

Anne fell in love. She didn’t mean to. She had fought it for as long as she could. But it happened all the same. Conrad was a good man, kind and decent. Anne fought him every step of the way, but he persisted. She fought herself, but couldn’t help it. Slowly she opened herself up again. Slowly she began to care.

Conrad learned of her pain and suffering and the extra tragedies she put upon herself. He listened to them all and only cared for her more. She cried, this time when someone else could see. And it didn’t result in loss. It didn’t result in pain. He listened and loved and didn’t judge. Anne began to smile again.

Anne had a secret fear, a secret thought, a secret nightmare. She wondered if she had been the problem. She wondered if she had chased them all away and caused all her own misery. She never told Conrad about this fear. She knew it sounded irrational. She knew he would only try and talk her out of it. She was afraid he wouldn’t be able to. She was afraid he would.

Anne became obsessed with her fears. She let them overwhelm her with anxiety. Conrad tried to calm her, to find out what was wrong, but she grew hysterical. He would abandon her. She knew he would. He would leave her. She would be alone again. She couldn’t be alone. Not again. Not again. Not after all she had been through. The idea petrified her with fear.

Conrad began to fade away – he began to dissolve into nothing before her very eyes. She was making him disappear. Her fears fed a frightening power within that she didn’t even know she had.

“No!” she screamed. “Please no! Not him! Not again!”

It didn’t matter. Conrad opened his mouth to speak, but it was too late. He was too far gone. He faded away.

Anne was left alone, with nothing but her tears and despair. She fell to the floor and cried and cried. She was lost and alone and miserable.

Her fingers grew numb. Her blood turned cold and her soul frosted over. Her life was over. Her life was lost. She couldn’t help herself. She destroyed them all. She caused nothing but loss and despair. She cried, certain she had been to blame, certain she no longer wanted to live with this knowledge, and slowly Anne disappeared.